“Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.”
Matthew 18:15

As we consider the subject of forgiveness, it is essential to mention what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not overlooking the wrongs done to you, nor does it mean approving, justifying, or excusing them. Forgiveness does not mean pretending as if the wrong didn’t happen or that you haven’t been hurt. Biblical forgiveness is a decision to no longer credit an offense against the offender. It involves releasing someone from a debt they owe and the blame they deserve. Forgiveness is a decision of the will, not an emotion.

First Corinthians 13:5 tells us that “love keeps no record of wrongs,” but does this mean we overlook the wrong done or try to bury it deep down somewhere? The Lord Jesus spent much time dealing with this issue and lays out for us a pattern for dealing with wrongs done to us. Notice that in our verse He calls it what it really is: “if your brother sins against you.” What are we to do? Go and tell him. Communicate with him or her about how they have hurt you and how you feel. But as we go, it is helpful, if we want success in dealing with this, to have already taken the matter to the Lord. We must not only take it to the Lord, but give it to the Lord! This comes out later in Matthew 18.

In verses 15-17, the Lord Jesus sets before us a pattern for forgiveness. We are first to keep the matter private between ourselves and the other person. As we go to the one who has hurt us, we are to speak to them alone, in private, and be open, honest, and calm before the Lord. They may not even realize what they have done, and if they do, your humble attitude of submission and love may help them understand what they have done against you.

As you go to confront them, don’t go to win an argument; go to win your brother! We must have the spirit of meekness and gentleness when we seek to restore a brother or sister in Christ (Gal. 6:1).

If the first meeting does not resolve the issue, we are instructed to bring in others to help resolve it. But these are to be those who listen and pray, seeking to help resolve the issue as those who are witnesses before the Lord. Then, if this does not work, it is to be brought before the assembly.

Anchors For Today:
How good it is to win your brother one-on-one and to forgive one another even as Christ has forgiven you!